Month Seven: She's Revvin'

Bridget began officially crawling at 6 and a half months, but has started running when we help her walk sometimes. She mostly "runs" when we're playing fetch with Bear, but she's also ran to Dad a few times. I think once she figures out the whole walk-on-your-own thing, I'll never be able to find her. For now though, I'm fine leaving her in one spot of the house and finding her in another. Usually if I can find Bear, I find her. As far her walker goes, she's basically got it down! She's cruisin' here and there, evading me when I try to feed her, and often chases the Bear. Her favorite activity with her new mobile-ness is knocking over Bear's water dish. Usually I can catch her before she can do the dirty deed, but so far the count is Mom: 5, Bridget:2.

This past Sunday was Mother's Day and I found myself very conflicted. Unable to express myself verbally, I'm going to see if I can describe my feelings here:
I am a new mother! Yay! I have been blessed with an absolutely beautiful baby girl. She is so strong, so healthy, and so so full of personality. I can not be more grateful for all of those miracles. But to push the envelope even further is how we got her. About a year and a half ago (November 2013), I began to feel ready to accept the challenge of becoming a mom. I had never grown up wanting to be one, but knew it would probably happen one day. Tony had been wanting kids for a while but was so kind and patient to wait for me to be ready. So in December we  (meaning I) decided that we were fully committed to this idea and gave up birth control. We were told it usually takes 2-3 months post-birth-control to conceive. In January, we got pregnant. Small miracle story, right? The Lord just wanted to give us a baby before I could take back what I said? I'm sure it's something like that. With the anticipation of waiting a few months to actually get pregnant, it was very surprising to me that we succeeded in the first month. However, I was not only surprised, excited and amazed, but I was also full of guilt. SO. MUCH. GUILT. There are families, one of my sister's is included in this, that try for years and years to get pregnant. Or what's even worse are the families that miscarry. These families are more than ready to have a little bundle of joy in their homes and their lives. They would appreciate every stinky, loud, or difficult second with a child. And yet here I was, nervous as hell to even hold a baby, never the least having my own after only a month of trying. It broke my heart then and still breaks my heart now for all those out there that I know they've looked at me and thought "it's not fair." I totally agree with you. It's not. And I wish there was some way that I could make it fair. I don't want to give up my own baby- I worked hard to get this little munchkin out! But I do wish that I would've had to work harder or wait longer or experience the deep burning desire to have a baby of my own no matter what just to somewhat equate to their heartbreak. I love Bridget with all I have to offer, but would those that can't have their own just yet love her more? Probably. Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve her. She's so perfect and I'm very much not. But I try! I've been told several times that I'm "hard-core" for having her out here and that I'm an awesome mom, yet I still have a very difficult time accepting those compliments. I'm impatient. Tony takes her more than any of the other dad's can take their kids. I get embarrassed of her when she's loud. I feel guilty for her being small. I sometimes ignore her when I'm doing other things. There are so many things that I do wrong or wish I could do better. But each and every day, I try. I try to spend time with her- not on my computer. I try to get her to laugh and talk. I try to get her to eat a variety of foods so that she's not a picky eater. I try to help her walk whenever she wants since she prefers that to crawling. I try to be happy and patient for her even when that's opposite of how I'm feeling, because I know she deserves better.
So here's to the not-so-perfect mother's on Mother's Day. The ones who aren't the perfect example of love and patience. To the ones who don't like the smell of sweaty toes and milk necks. To those that need to put their babies down in their cribs to go scream in a pillow. To those who call/text their husbands in the middle of the day and say they're ready to tap-out. I hear you. I relate to you. I am you. And yet somehow, despite all the imperfections, there's this little squirmy cuddle bug that loves you. How do I know? She wrap's her arms around you. She holds your face. She crawls to you and reaches for you to help her stand. She recognizes your voice. And most of all she watches you- all the time. It's those times when I'm frustrated that I look up and see her watching me that I strain under all the overwhelming feelings, and I just let go. I want Bridget to remember me loving her. Of all the things I want her to know about me, number one is that I love her and I am constantly trying to not take her for granted.

Anyway, back to happier things. (Sorry for the tangent!). Biddy has been growing so well! Her hair is looking lovely (well except the alfa-alfa patch on the very top of her head which I need to cut) and she's plumping out a little. Not really, but she's not skinny or anything. She has my cheeks and has a cute roundish tummy, so she kind of looks plump. OH! Guess what?! The other morning, this chunker ate an entire pancake that had peanut butter and syrup on it. An entire pancake! It was a smaller one, maybe 6 inches in diameter but heck peanut butter makes everything more filling! Super proud parents that day. Haha. Unfortunately that hasn't happened again since then. She'll have days where she eats everything that is put in her wake, and then other days where she will eat hardly anything. She keeps licking her bottom gum with her tongue. I think those bottom teeth are going to pop through soon. Hopefully sooner rather than later just so she can go back to eating normally. She does pretty well though- especially when we're sharing our food with her.

That stank face...

This past month we've been trying some new things. We ate a some new restaurants and found a great alternative to the beach: Dodgy Dock. It's kind of like a mini resort near SGU, but students can live there. They have two pools- one with sand that looks like the beach, right next  to the actual beach (ha!) and then a kids pool with a slide and play yard. You're supposed to pay for day passes (50 USD) but from what I've heard they can't really enforce it, especially if you're not causing trouble. Just to try and be honest, I'll only go every once in a while, but I'm excited that I don't have to get sand everywhere if I want to cool down on days that aren't pool days. I know, my life here is hard. This past week Grenada has been celebrating their Chocolate Festival. This is about a week long thing where the island runs cocoa plantation tours, has artists create and sell paintings based on the chocolate here, and teaches people how to cook with chocolate through multiple events in the week. Well on the list was a "Chocolate Indulgence Breakfast." Sounding delightful, Tony and I figured we'd give it a try! We paid 35 EC each (about $13 USD each) for an all you can eat breakfast (yay!) that had absolutely no chocolate. I can't tell you how disappointed we were, especially Tony. But the breakfast itself wasn't bad- much like a continental breakfast at hotels, but a little better. We got to order custom omelettes too so it was nice. The title was very misleading though, so I'm not sure we'll branch out again too soon. haha.

Oh I totally went on a hike to Mt. Qua Qua. You might remember this as the muddy hike Tony and I did when I was 8 months pregnant. Well this time it wasn't muddy, but it was pretty difficult! I had Biddy on my back like a backpack and she loved all 2.5 hours of hiking! She was laughing and wiggling the whole time. I have the up most respect for the other two girls that lugged their babies too. They weigh at least 5 lbs. more than Biddy, but the mommies are so buff! At one point on the hike, you could see two sides of the island- beach and all. It was really pretty.

Group selfie. Nailed it!

First half of the hike she was my monkey backpack.

Utmost respect for these two. All our babies are 6 months here, but theirs are significantly heavier.

On the Great Wall of China, they have this one sentry house where tourists can write their names. The rock at the top of Mt. Qua Qua had the same thing. 

Totally famous now!

From one of the peaks you could see two sides of the island. Here's one side. You can see the peninsula in the distance.

 This past month I've also began hosting some parties. I threw a friend a baby shower where the theme was "Welcome, Little Peanut" and I helped host a Cinco de Mayo Relief Society activity. Both were really fun. I love, love, LOVE putting parties together because of how detail-oriented I am. I love cutting everything out and putting it all together- it just makes me happy. It's like putting my classroom together before school started every morning and thinking, "okay, this is going to work!" except with a party, you can just throw most things away afterward. It's great!

Turtle diaper cake for friend's baby shower. Nailed it!

Here we have a motley crew of wives. This beach bonfire was to celebrate 5th termers leaving the island. I'll miss most of them ;)

Katie's baby shower

We had a photobooth area with fun props.

Cinco de Mayo relief society activity. We had a pretty good turn out!

My pinata... It was supposed to be a chili pepper, but turned out looking like a cross between a turnip and apostrophe.

Tony has been chugging along with school. He continues to dedicate himself to his studies and being a great dad. I seriously don't know how he can come home from school, study for 5/6 hours, spend time with Bridget and I, then once we've gone to bed he goes back and studies again. I feel sleep deprived just from playing with Bridget all day, but he does it all! I'm telling you: Batman. He must have figured out some way to compartmentalize every aspect of his life so that he can focus so well on his studies when other things are going on. He had one final this past Friday, one Tuesday and has one today. Saturday will be his last test and then we wait a week to go home.
Oh I forgot to post pictures last month of Tony's birthday. We had a pool day with some friends (more were there than in these pictures) and the missionaries made a special delivery to sing Tony happy birthday!It was so sweet of them! They decided to call him Mom because he is always looking out for them and getting dinners set up when they don't have any.

Seashell and conch shell picking

Here's that stank face again.

We get back to the states in 8 days from now. I'm not counting down, I'm not counting down. That's about 200 hours from now.  I'm not counting down, I'm not counting down. Okay, maybe I am counting down, but hey I'm allowed to be excited. It's been nearly a year since I've been in an Olive Garden, experienced driving on the right side of the road, seen a McDonald's, or enjoyed the beautiful wonder that is Wal-Mart. It's the little things I suppose. I've been thinking about it, and I honestly could make it another whole year without going home. I'm feeling so much better now than I was a few months ago. I feel like I'm completely adjusted and have accepted the way of living. Sure I still get frustrated sometimes, but I don't feel like I have to go home! when I'm having a bad day. I even feel like I could have friends/family come out to visit and I could show them all the good and fun that Grenada does offer! But let me tell you, this visit home is a more-than-welcomed gift. I feel so grateful that family would offer to fly us home- not just to one, but two homes! This is kind of dumb, but I'm excited to sit in a real Church building; with reliable A/C that goes throughout the entire building, pews that are comfy and offer ample seating, and parking lots where you don't risk your life every time you leave. Seriously, it's the little things.
I am grateful for the life I'm living and that I've learned to adjust. I'm grateful for my beautiful, healthy, happy family that can deal with me and my crazies. I am also grateful for the family at home that do all they can to support us while in another country. Life is good now. And it's about to get even better for a full month!